Good morning and God Bless. ::clears throat::
I wanna run through some of the presidential candidates for you Imus in the Morn'. Just so we're all on the same when it comes to these idiots, although we all know that you, with the exception of John McCain, would close your eyes and wish them into the cornfield, ya scarecrow-lookin' crater-faced idiot, bejeez
Speakin' of McCain, let's start with him - the only candidate who met his second wife while she was babysittin' his first wife's children. Let's just say he didn't keep her around for the cookin', bejeez. And what about Mike Huckabee - just what this country needs, Imus in the Morn', is some sweaty fat guy campaignin' around in a skin-tight leotard claimin' he lost weight by changin' his diet and increasin' his exercise. The real way he lost his fat suit was by switchin' to a diuretic and laxative diet while listenin' to his own sermons from years gone by, God forgive me. Poor bastard; probably left him as raw as the last cow they slaughtered there on that farm network, bejeez. Next is Mitt Romney - God bless him and his seven wives - who is about as well-spoken as Fabio readin' a cue card made from pieces of scrap paper stuck together with expired spermicidal jelly, ya antediluvian douche bag bejeez. On the other side is Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama, who are dukin' it out like two ram mountain sheep buttin' heads. Watchin' Hillary Clinton give her winnin' speech last night was like watchin' grass grow. Just what the American people need is a trifecta from hell - Hillary Clinton as president, Nancy Pelosi as speaker, and that Gladys Kravtiz-lookin' Ruth Bader Ginsberg on the bench. Then there's the colored fella with the Jew hatin' name, livin' in a fairy tale apparently. One thing's for sure - he's given the tuna-lickin' dingbat a run for her money. If he had his way, he'd be shovin' her face down on the carpet and makin' her eat it, but she'd probably enjoy it, bejeez. I know I missed a few in there, Imus in the Morn', but for one real reason - they're just so damn irrelevant right now!
It's time to pray, bejeez, now bow your heads! In the name of the father, son, and holy ghost, another camera at WABC we want the most, Lord hear our prayer. Lord, we pray that Al Sharpton gets another orange jail jump suit, and some fat pig inmate hides his shalaylee where this idiotic scum used to poop, Lord hear our prayer. And finally Lord, we pray that Dennis Kucinich finally goes back to Neptune, and gets the hell off this planet, the stupid crazy loon, Lord hear our prayer.
WHICH DOESN'T BELONG AND WHY!?
Which doesn't belong and why?
a) Former Senator Trent Lott
b) The Late, Great Senator Strom Thurmond
c) Newly reformed Imus in the Morn'
Answer me that, ya shriveled up bag o' pus ya, bejeez. Well despite the fact that all three of these mentally-challenged idiots have, at one time or another, uttered racial slurs about their brothers by different mothers, the answer is clearly B, the late, great Senator Strom Thurmond because unlike the other two air-suckin' mental patients, Strom Thurmond is the only one who actually checked out, with nothin' let of him but his hand comin' out of the ground flippin' the bird to anyone who'll take notice.
God bless us and save us!
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
Sunday, January 6, 2008
Good morning and God Bless. ::clears throat::
Well Imus in the Morn', it's good to hear you say you know who you should and shouldn't be invitin' back on your stupid show, bejeez. I'll be expectin' a phone call from your decayin' face, moltin' and mumblin' with your invitation to have me back!
But anyway Imus in the Morn', did ya see the bull dyke junior senator got pounded by the two men on top of her in the Iowa primary? Talk about bein' on the receivin' end, she took it deeper than Fatty Arbuckle's girlfriend takin' a Coke bottle, God rest her soul.
I happened to catch the debates the last coupla nights Imus in the Morn'. Whenever they get on the topic of immigration, I feel like playin' a game of pool, bejeez. Illegal immigrants and a cue ball have a lot in common Imus in the Morn' - the harder you hit 'em, the more English you get out of 'em!
But anyway Imus in the Morn', let's just hope your guy - John McCain - gets more votes in New Hampshire than actors who are plannin' on attendin' the Golden Globes!
Now bow your heads douche drinkers, and let's pray. In the name of the father, the son, and the holy ghost, a pine box for the I-man we wan the most, Lord hear our prayer! Lord, we pray that Sarkozy and his new girlfriend work out alright, and that dumb ho doesn't jump off the Eiffel tower one night, Lord hear our prayer! Lord, we pray that Britney Spears gets all the help she needs, and gets her kids back from Federline by shootin' out his knees, Lord hear our prayer!
WHICH DOESN'T BELONG AND WHY?!
Which doesn't belong and why?!
a) Hillary Clinton
b) Larry Craig
c) Imus in the Morn'
Well despite the fact that all three of them haven't slept with a man in quite some time and that neither one will ever be elected President of the United States, the answer is clearly C, Imus in the Morn' is the only one who hasn't had to kiss Strom Thurmond's ring at some point in their life.
God bless us and save us!
Well Imus in the Morn', it's good to hear you say you know who you should and shouldn't be invitin' back on your stupid show, bejeez. I'll be expectin' a phone call from your decayin' face, moltin' and mumblin' with your invitation to have me back!
But anyway Imus in the Morn', did ya see the bull dyke junior senator got pounded by the two men on top of her in the Iowa primary? Talk about bein' on the receivin' end, she took it deeper than Fatty Arbuckle's girlfriend takin' a Coke bottle, God rest her soul.
I happened to catch the debates the last coupla nights Imus in the Morn'. Whenever they get on the topic of immigration, I feel like playin' a game of pool, bejeez. Illegal immigrants and a cue ball have a lot in common Imus in the Morn' - the harder you hit 'em, the more English you get out of 'em!
But anyway Imus in the Morn', let's just hope your guy - John McCain - gets more votes in New Hampshire than actors who are plannin' on attendin' the Golden Globes!
Now bow your heads douche drinkers, and let's pray. In the name of the father, the son, and the holy ghost, a pine box for the I-man we wan the most, Lord hear our prayer! Lord, we pray that Sarkozy and his new girlfriend work out alright, and that dumb ho doesn't jump off the Eiffel tower one night, Lord hear our prayer! Lord, we pray that Britney Spears gets all the help she needs, and gets her kids back from Federline by shootin' out his knees, Lord hear our prayer!
WHICH DOESN'T BELONG AND WHY?!
Which doesn't belong and why?!
a) Hillary Clinton
b) Larry Craig
c) Imus in the Morn'
Well despite the fact that all three of them haven't slept with a man in quite some time and that neither one will ever be elected President of the United States, the answer is clearly C, Imus in the Morn' is the only one who hasn't had to kiss Strom Thurmond's ring at some point in their life.
God bless us and save us!
Friday, December 28, 2007
Good morning and God Bless. ::clears throat::
Well Imus in the Morn', it's good to see ya put 3 weeks into your new show, and then took a week off for vacation. What're ya tired from, dirtbag - not used to dryheavin' for so long without takin' a break anymore, bejeez? Was your little kiddie camp and it's lack of air while ya sleep startin' to be appealin', ya antediluvian douche bag ya, bejeez.
Did ya see what happened to Bhutto yesterday, Imus in the Morn'? Poor lady, God rest her soul, but the ragheads guardin' her apparently didn't learn anything from the Kennedy deal, bejeez. If there's one thing these idiots should learn from the people they hate the most, it's how to protect their damn leaders instead of watchin' their heads fly off in fifteen different pieces. It's like Humpty Dumpty all over again. You don't see Osama bin Dumbass walkin' around with a bullseye strapped to his back, do ya, so why'd this poor lady stick her neck out, literally, bejeez?! And to make matters worse, ya deflated windbag, her supporters thought it would be a good idea to run around their town and start settin' the bank, the post office, the buses, and the trains on fire, bejeez. That'll do a lotta good. No wonder those cavemen have been havin' dirt meals for the last millenium, bejeez.
And speakin' o' necks, Imus in the Morn' - Hillary Clinton's neck is startin' to look like yours, bejeez! That whole Mother Goose look is startin' to catch on. You two are gonna make Doris Roberts look like Miss America, bejeez. Or maybe, could it be from the jug-eared mulatto with the Jew-hatin' name tuggin' at her re-election chances, and it startin' to show on her face? I caught a glimpse of her on the Drudge website the other day, Imus in the Morn', and I thought that Barbara Bush was campaigning, bejeez. Same look, y'know - tank with eyes movin' straight ahead. Get out of the way, ya knocked-kneed buncha faggots ya, lest ye be run over by the Great Satan!
With all this talk of guns and evil Imus in the Morn, I've gotta make mention of Mike Huckabee thinkin' he's the Vice-President. The other day, this idiot decided to go pheasant hunting with a bunch o' mainstream media types and got a little trigger happy, firin' a coupla shots over their pea-brained pinheads, bejeez.
Now bow your heads, ya buncha dirtbags, and let's say a prayer. This past Tuesday was the birth of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ! The person, you dimwits, not the explitive you shout at wee little Wyatt when he kicks your flabby backside at a game of chess in three moves, bejeez. In the name of the father, the son, and the holy ghost, Ashley Alexander back with the I-man we want the most, Lord hear our prayer! Lord, we pray that a video tape surfaces of Edwards and Obama, and the 400-dollar haircuttin' faggot is givin' it in Obama's backside just like he does to his babies' mama, Lord hear our prayer! And finally, Lord, we pray that the late night shows get back on the air and quick - before these nighttime nitwits start dependin' on the new Imus in the Morn' for sarcastic wit, bejeez.
WHICH DOESN'T BELONG AND WHY?!
Which doesn't belong and why?!
a) Britney Spears
b) Christina Aguilera
c) Imus in the Morn'
Well despite the fact that all three of these no-talent hacks have all polluted the airwaves with their own brand of stench, the answer is clearly c, Imus in the Morn', because unlike the other two idiots, Imus in the Morn' has never given birth to his own spawn, let alone takin' it in the belly button in hopes of gettin' knocked up, bejeez.
God bless us and save us!
Well Imus in the Morn', it's good to see ya put 3 weeks into your new show, and then took a week off for vacation. What're ya tired from, dirtbag - not used to dryheavin' for so long without takin' a break anymore, bejeez? Was your little kiddie camp and it's lack of air while ya sleep startin' to be appealin', ya antediluvian douche bag ya, bejeez.
Did ya see what happened to Bhutto yesterday, Imus in the Morn'? Poor lady, God rest her soul, but the ragheads guardin' her apparently didn't learn anything from the Kennedy deal, bejeez. If there's one thing these idiots should learn from the people they hate the most, it's how to protect their damn leaders instead of watchin' their heads fly off in fifteen different pieces. It's like Humpty Dumpty all over again. You don't see Osama bin Dumbass walkin' around with a bullseye strapped to his back, do ya, so why'd this poor lady stick her neck out, literally, bejeez?! And to make matters worse, ya deflated windbag, her supporters thought it would be a good idea to run around their town and start settin' the bank, the post office, the buses, and the trains on fire, bejeez. That'll do a lotta good. No wonder those cavemen have been havin' dirt meals for the last millenium, bejeez.
And speakin' o' necks, Imus in the Morn' - Hillary Clinton's neck is startin' to look like yours, bejeez! That whole Mother Goose look is startin' to catch on. You two are gonna make Doris Roberts look like Miss America, bejeez. Or maybe, could it be from the jug-eared mulatto with the Jew-hatin' name tuggin' at her re-election chances, and it startin' to show on her face? I caught a glimpse of her on the Drudge website the other day, Imus in the Morn', and I thought that Barbara Bush was campaigning, bejeez. Same look, y'know - tank with eyes movin' straight ahead. Get out of the way, ya knocked-kneed buncha faggots ya, lest ye be run over by the Great Satan!
With all this talk of guns and evil Imus in the Morn, I've gotta make mention of Mike Huckabee thinkin' he's the Vice-President. The other day, this idiot decided to go pheasant hunting with a bunch o' mainstream media types and got a little trigger happy, firin' a coupla shots over their pea-brained pinheads, bejeez.
Now bow your heads, ya buncha dirtbags, and let's say a prayer. This past Tuesday was the birth of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ! The person, you dimwits, not the explitive you shout at wee little Wyatt when he kicks your flabby backside at a game of chess in three moves, bejeez. In the name of the father, the son, and the holy ghost, Ashley Alexander back with the I-man we want the most, Lord hear our prayer! Lord, we pray that a video tape surfaces of Edwards and Obama, and the 400-dollar haircuttin' faggot is givin' it in Obama's backside just like he does to his babies' mama, Lord hear our prayer! And finally, Lord, we pray that the late night shows get back on the air and quick - before these nighttime nitwits start dependin' on the new Imus in the Morn' for sarcastic wit, bejeez.
WHICH DOESN'T BELONG AND WHY?!
Which doesn't belong and why?!
a) Britney Spears
b) Christina Aguilera
c) Imus in the Morn'
Well despite the fact that all three of these no-talent hacks have all polluted the airwaves with their own brand of stench, the answer is clearly c, Imus in the Morn', because unlike the other two idiots, Imus in the Morn' has never given birth to his own spawn, let alone takin' it in the belly button in hopes of gettin' knocked up, bejeez.
God bless us and save us!
Sunday, December 2, 2007
Good morning and God Bless, ::clears throat::
Well ya buncha heathen dirtbags, we made it to the end of our nightmare, just like Anna Nicole in a cheap Florida motel, bejeez. Now let's get down to some real business, before I go into retirement. I've just about run out of Poligrip, so I'll make this quick.
It's nice to know that Imus in the Morn' will be pollutin' the airwaves with his regular brand of stench tomorrow. Although if Al Sharpton had any say in it, he'd only be stinkin' up his own house, which rest assured, the decayin' cadaver has done by soilin' his adult diapers every coupla hours, bejeez. In fact, I have been told on good authority, that Al Sharpton and Al Roker plan on showin' up at the new studio tomorrow to congratulate Imus in the Morn' with a cocktail and a speedball. I've got a question for ya though Imus in the Morn' - why only a five year deal? Are you afraid that one day the good Lord himself is gonna call for ya? Not likely, if he hasn't already, bejeez.
Now let's talk about somethin' serious, ya mischevious scumbag ya, bejeez. Did ya see this fat pig in the Sudan was locked up for namin' her teddy bear Muhammad? Those Muslims, I tell ya - friendly and peaceful buncha people they are, bejeez. No one said a word when Mrs. Imus named her teddy Jesus, and the only reason she did was because the whole time on the weddin' night, she kept thinkin' to herself, "Jesus, I hope he croaks from seein' me in this." The only time I'll name someone Muhammad is if I'm in Jersey waitin' for someone to put some gas in the Eganmobile, bejeez.
And did ya see sparks flyin' on the set of MSNBC the other day, Imus in the Morn'? They're gonna be broadcastin' from a jail bathroom pretty soon, bejeez. Better bring a butt plug before ya get a real poke in the poop chute. Unless of course you're Morning Joe, who's been takin' it from the backside since day one from none other than Steve Capus, who is so much of a faggot he could guess the flavor of a lollipop by sittin' on it, bejeez. He's probably been playin' with that little boy Dan Abrams a bit too much, God forgive me, with his equilibrium all thrown off from takin' only one ball on the chin. Explains the ugly mop of hair surroundin' his Picasso-lookin' face, bejeez. And speakin' of television hosts who won't be havin' shows for much longer, Al Roker's gonna be buried in a woodpile soon enough, God rest his soul!
Now bow your heads ya heathen pricks, and let's pray - in the name of the father, the son, and the holy ghost, the I-man to live til 6 AM tomorrow we want the most, Lord hear our prayer. Lord, we pray that Hugo Chavez tries to cut back the U. S.'s supply of oil, and the economics effects of that cause this fat man's pants to get soiled, Lord hear our prayer Lord, we pray that Oprah's guy Hussein Obama cuts ahead of Mrs. Clinton, just to see this vampire witch bite his head off in the Senate kitchen, Lord hear our prayer. And finally Lord, we pray that the ratings on WFAN's morning show tank, and that Chernoff ends up firin' Boomer and the bald-headed skank, Lord hear our prayer.
WHICH DOESN'T BELONG AND WHY?!
Which doesn't belong and why?
a) Al Sharpton
b) Al Roker
c) Imus in the Morn'
Well the answer is clearly c, Imus in the Morn', because unlike the other two idiots, Imus in the Morn' has 1000 people comin' out to support him tomorrow, and the other dirtbags don't even get love from the fleas that live in their beds, bejeez.
God bless us and save us! Fake Cardinal Egan has now officially entered retirement! Welcome back, cowboy!
Well ya buncha heathen dirtbags, we made it to the end of our nightmare, just like Anna Nicole in a cheap Florida motel, bejeez. Now let's get down to some real business, before I go into retirement. I've just about run out of Poligrip, so I'll make this quick.
It's nice to know that Imus in the Morn' will be pollutin' the airwaves with his regular brand of stench tomorrow. Although if Al Sharpton had any say in it, he'd only be stinkin' up his own house, which rest assured, the decayin' cadaver has done by soilin' his adult diapers every coupla hours, bejeez. In fact, I have been told on good authority, that Al Sharpton and Al Roker plan on showin' up at the new studio tomorrow to congratulate Imus in the Morn' with a cocktail and a speedball. I've got a question for ya though Imus in the Morn' - why only a five year deal? Are you afraid that one day the good Lord himself is gonna call for ya? Not likely, if he hasn't already, bejeez.
Now let's talk about somethin' serious, ya mischevious scumbag ya, bejeez. Did ya see this fat pig in the Sudan was locked up for namin' her teddy bear Muhammad? Those Muslims, I tell ya - friendly and peaceful buncha people they are, bejeez. No one said a word when Mrs. Imus named her teddy Jesus, and the only reason she did was because the whole time on the weddin' night, she kept thinkin' to herself, "Jesus, I hope he croaks from seein' me in this." The only time I'll name someone Muhammad is if I'm in Jersey waitin' for someone to put some gas in the Eganmobile, bejeez.
And did ya see sparks flyin' on the set of MSNBC the other day, Imus in the Morn'? They're gonna be broadcastin' from a jail bathroom pretty soon, bejeez. Better bring a butt plug before ya get a real poke in the poop chute. Unless of course you're Morning Joe, who's been takin' it from the backside since day one from none other than Steve Capus, who is so much of a faggot he could guess the flavor of a lollipop by sittin' on it, bejeez. He's probably been playin' with that little boy Dan Abrams a bit too much, God forgive me, with his equilibrium all thrown off from takin' only one ball on the chin. Explains the ugly mop of hair surroundin' his Picasso-lookin' face, bejeez. And speakin' of television hosts who won't be havin' shows for much longer, Al Roker's gonna be buried in a woodpile soon enough, God rest his soul!
Now bow your heads ya heathen pricks, and let's pray - in the name of the father, the son, and the holy ghost, the I-man to live til 6 AM tomorrow we want the most, Lord hear our prayer. Lord, we pray that Hugo Chavez tries to cut back the U. S.'s supply of oil, and the economics effects of that cause this fat man's pants to get soiled, Lord hear our prayer Lord, we pray that Oprah's guy Hussein Obama cuts ahead of Mrs. Clinton, just to see this vampire witch bite his head off in the Senate kitchen, Lord hear our prayer. And finally Lord, we pray that the ratings on WFAN's morning show tank, and that Chernoff ends up firin' Boomer and the bald-headed skank, Lord hear our prayer.
WHICH DOESN'T BELONG AND WHY?!
Which doesn't belong and why?
a) Al Sharpton
b) Al Roker
c) Imus in the Morn'
Well the answer is clearly c, Imus in the Morn', because unlike the other two idiots, Imus in the Morn' has 1000 people comin' out to support him tomorrow, and the other dirtbags don't even get love from the fleas that live in their beds, bejeez.
God bless us and save us! Fake Cardinal Egan has now officially entered retirement! Welcome back, cowboy!
Sunday, November 25, 2007
Good morning and God Bless ::clears throat::.
I hope you had a good turkey day Imus in the Morn' and didn't get too worked up watchin' one of your own get carved up ya cannibal. Don't give me any of that vegetarian nonsense - I know the truth, ya loose-necked douchebag ya. I hope you got a good look ya flippin' dirtbag, because that's the type of plastic surgery your wife and child are secretly plannin' for ya - they call it a neckectomy, and in fact, they've already lined up the doctor Kanye West's mother had, bejeez!
Well Imus in the Morn', in a week your nasty mug will induce morning sickness on the country once again. It'll be plenty of fun to watch the heads of those in your live audience go down into brown paper bags faster than Anna Nicole went down on that 80-year-old prune, God rest her soul. Seein' you on the rural network will do wonders for crop growth - seeing how when the farm animals are unlucky enough to walk by the farm house, God forbid, they'll be leavin' piles of Miracle-Gro on the porch, bejeez, seein' one of their own on TV, and from the backside no doubt!
But let's get down to business Imus in the Morn'. Hulk Hogan's wife is filin' for divorce, and the dumb ho forgot to tell him, bejeez! I'm sure it was on her to-do list though, right after Jose the poolboy. And Dennis Rodman is bein' accused of givin' the Bill Clinton treatment to some girl out in Sin City - the only problem is, this dress-wearin' chest-thumpin' half-a-faggot fairy doesn't know which side of the fence he belongs on, bejeez, let alone who - or in his case, what -- to grab!
Now bow your heads scumbags, and let's pray - in the name of the father, the son, and the holy ghost, the world's smallest violin for Ron Kuby we want the most, Lord hear our prayer. Lord, we pray the next term limit referendum held by Chavez is a success, and we pray that it calls for several bullets lodged in the skull of the fat mess, Lord hear our prayer. Lord, we pray the Broadway strike comes to an end and soon, so these pillow-biting faggots can get back on their stages to croon, Lord hear our prayer. And finally, Lord, we pray that the I-man lives out his five year contract, and those mongoloids at Media Matters have nothin' to say about that, Lord hear our prayer.
WHICH DOESN'T BELONG AND WHY?!
Which doesn't belong and why?!
a) Morning Schmoe
b) Hillary Clinton
c) Imus in the Morn'
The answer is b, ya dirtbags, despite the fact that all three of these hillbillies look like extras from the Deliverance film, Hillary Clinton is the only one who has nightly meetings by the fire with a horned demon she refers to as Daddy - and I'm not talkin' about Bill Clinton, bejeez! God bless us and save us!
I hope you had a good turkey day Imus in the Morn' and didn't get too worked up watchin' one of your own get carved up ya cannibal. Don't give me any of that vegetarian nonsense - I know the truth, ya loose-necked douchebag ya. I hope you got a good look ya flippin' dirtbag, because that's the type of plastic surgery your wife and child are secretly plannin' for ya - they call it a neckectomy, and in fact, they've already lined up the doctor Kanye West's mother had, bejeez!
Well Imus in the Morn', in a week your nasty mug will induce morning sickness on the country once again. It'll be plenty of fun to watch the heads of those in your live audience go down into brown paper bags faster than Anna Nicole went down on that 80-year-old prune, God rest her soul. Seein' you on the rural network will do wonders for crop growth - seeing how when the farm animals are unlucky enough to walk by the farm house, God forbid, they'll be leavin' piles of Miracle-Gro on the porch, bejeez, seein' one of their own on TV, and from the backside no doubt!
But let's get down to business Imus in the Morn'. Hulk Hogan's wife is filin' for divorce, and the dumb ho forgot to tell him, bejeez! I'm sure it was on her to-do list though, right after Jose the poolboy. And Dennis Rodman is bein' accused of givin' the Bill Clinton treatment to some girl out in Sin City - the only problem is, this dress-wearin' chest-thumpin' half-a-faggot fairy doesn't know which side of the fence he belongs on, bejeez, let alone who - or in his case, what -- to grab!
Now bow your heads scumbags, and let's pray - in the name of the father, the son, and the holy ghost, the world's smallest violin for Ron Kuby we want the most, Lord hear our prayer. Lord, we pray the next term limit referendum held by Chavez is a success, and we pray that it calls for several bullets lodged in the skull of the fat mess, Lord hear our prayer. Lord, we pray the Broadway strike comes to an end and soon, so these pillow-biting faggots can get back on their stages to croon, Lord hear our prayer. And finally, Lord, we pray that the I-man lives out his five year contract, and those mongoloids at Media Matters have nothin' to say about that, Lord hear our prayer.
WHICH DOESN'T BELONG AND WHY?!
Which doesn't belong and why?!
a) Morning Schmoe
b) Hillary Clinton
c) Imus in the Morn'
The answer is b, ya dirtbags, despite the fact that all three of these hillbillies look like extras from the Deliverance film, Hillary Clinton is the only one who has nightly meetings by the fire with a horned demon she refers to as Daddy - and I'm not talkin' about Bill Clinton, bejeez! God bless us and save us!
Monday, October 22, 2007
Good morning and God Bless. ::clears throat::
Good morning to you too, Imus in the Morn'; I got a phone call last night, meant for you - the California Raisins were calling, and they wanted to offer you their botox coupons, bejeez. But I digress, Imus in the Morn'. If you ever do go to Iraq, ya dry-heaving
dirtbag, they should put you in charge. They'll have you makin' naked pyramids of prisoners and take pictures of you tyin' rope knots around their necks after so long. And what's with all these nooses poppin' up all over the country, bejeez? Some limp-wristed scumbags can't tie their shoes, so they have to practice with a bigger string? I hope one of them ends up on Mrs. Clinton's office door, and the whole situation manages to work itself out, God forgive me. Raise the doorknob, you fools! That'd certainly make the young colored fella with the Jew-hatin' name quite happy.
Everyone keeps rantin' and ravin' about Media Matters affecting your new show, Imus in the Morn', but they don't understand, bejeez. If Media Matters ceased to exist, MSNBC would be dark during prime time, just like their mornings are now. If they get desperate enough, they could start settin' the old studio on fire, and claim they're deep in Malibu, bejeez. I'm sure that'd be a real ratings draw, or at least, watchin' one of the plasma TVs collapse on top of that ugly cow Contessa Brewer and pin her to the ground, while an old Imus in the Morn' logo appears on it and brands her in the ass. At least then she could say she knows how Mrs. Imus feels, bejeez.
Now bow your heads ya indecent scumbags ya, bejeez. In the name of the father, the son, and the holy ghost, Imus startin' in the sequel to Fudgepack Mountain we want the most, Lord hear our prayer. Lord, we pray that Oral Roberts' school really does change its name, to another four-letter word to showcase the blame, Lord hear our prayer. Lord, we pray that NASA comes around to releasing the plane report on the net, and that one of those near-misses was with the I-man's jet, Lord hear our prayer. And finally, Lord, we pray that Ellen Degeneres trades that dog she had in for yet another cat, and that her girlfriend has somethin' nice to say about that, bejeez, Lord hea rour prayer.
WHICH DOESN'T BELONG AND WHY?!
Which doesn't belong and why?!
a) Rachael Ray
b) Martha Stewart
c) Imus in the Morn'
Well despite the fact that all three of these no-talent hacks all suck the life out of morning television, the answer is clearly a, Rachael Ray, because unlike the other two idiots, she's the only one that can pull off fishnet stockings without showing off her varicose veins, bejeez. God bless us and save us!
Good morning to you too, Imus in the Morn'; I got a phone call last night, meant for you - the California Raisins were calling, and they wanted to offer you their botox coupons, bejeez. But I digress, Imus in the Morn'. If you ever do go to Iraq, ya dry-heaving
dirtbag, they should put you in charge. They'll have you makin' naked pyramids of prisoners and take pictures of you tyin' rope knots around their necks after so long. And what's with all these nooses poppin' up all over the country, bejeez? Some limp-wristed scumbags can't tie their shoes, so they have to practice with a bigger string? I hope one of them ends up on Mrs. Clinton's office door, and the whole situation manages to work itself out, God forgive me. Raise the doorknob, you fools! That'd certainly make the young colored fella with the Jew-hatin' name quite happy.
Everyone keeps rantin' and ravin' about Media Matters affecting your new show, Imus in the Morn', but they don't understand, bejeez. If Media Matters ceased to exist, MSNBC would be dark during prime time, just like their mornings are now. If they get desperate enough, they could start settin' the old studio on fire, and claim they're deep in Malibu, bejeez. I'm sure that'd be a real ratings draw, or at least, watchin' one of the plasma TVs collapse on top of that ugly cow Contessa Brewer and pin her to the ground, while an old Imus in the Morn' logo appears on it and brands her in the ass. At least then she could say she knows how Mrs. Imus feels, bejeez.
Now bow your heads ya indecent scumbags ya, bejeez. In the name of the father, the son, and the holy ghost, Imus startin' in the sequel to Fudgepack Mountain we want the most, Lord hear our prayer. Lord, we pray that Oral Roberts' school really does change its name, to another four-letter word to showcase the blame, Lord hear our prayer. Lord, we pray that NASA comes around to releasing the plane report on the net, and that one of those near-misses was with the I-man's jet, Lord hear our prayer. And finally, Lord, we pray that Ellen Degeneres trades that dog she had in for yet another cat, and that her girlfriend has somethin' nice to say about that, bejeez, Lord hea rour prayer.
WHICH DOESN'T BELONG AND WHY?!
Which doesn't belong and why?!
a) Rachael Ray
b) Martha Stewart
c) Imus in the Morn'
Well despite the fact that all three of these no-talent hacks all suck the life out of morning television, the answer is clearly a, Rachael Ray, because unlike the other two idiots, she's the only one that can pull off fishnet stockings without showing off her varicose veins, bejeez. God bless us and save us!
Sunday, October 14, 2007
Good morning and God Bless! ::clears throat::
Well Imus in the Morn', hurry up and get your God forsaken butt back on the air. The rumor mill is spinnin' faster than Anna Nicole's mouth around that octogenarian's shalaylee! Imus on WABC, Curtis and Kuby on WOR, and Donna Hanover slippin' back into obscurity in the shadow of Rudy Giuliani where she belongs, that stinky-mouthed ho, bejeez.
Now let's get down to some serious business, Imus in the Morn'. Former Vice President Al Gore won the Nobel Peace Prize. What the hell is that all about, bejeez? That's like handing the code to the red button over to Ahmadinejad, for God's sake. Just what this methane-producin' cow needs is a Nobel Prize to go along with his Emmy award. What's next for this bloated dingbat? I'd like for him to go on for a motorcycle ride with George Clooney, I'll tell ya that much there, fella. If he wants to fix the hole in the ozone layer, skip the angus burger, bejeez. And speakin' of bloated dingbats, what's with dingy Harry Reid sendin' a letter to Rush Limbaugh's boss, tryin' to get him off the air? I wonder, if he made a few well-placed calls to Reverend Sharpass, maybe his stupid plan could have worked. Just what this fat pill-poppin' loser needs, Imus in the Morn', is to get more notoriety for blowin' out a bunch of hot air. At least he didn't call some of those soldiers na.. well you get the idea, dirtbag. Now Harry Reid can get back to his day job, playing stunt double to Ichabod Crane in the Sleepy Hollow movies, bejeez.
Now bow your heads, ya buncha man-juice guzzlin' homos, and let's pray.
In the name of the father, the son, and the holy ghost, the gay vatican priest gettin' it in the back door from the pope we want the most, Lord hear our prayer. Lord, we pray that Media Matters gets set on fire, and the I-man is reponsible for the arsonist's hire, Lord hear our prayer. And finally, Lord, we pray that Israelis take out another Syrian power plant, and while they're at it, fire a missle directly at al-Assad's pants, Lord hear our prayer.
WHICH DOESN'T BELONG AND WHY?!
Which doesn't belong and why?
a) Senator Barbara Mikulski
b) Former View host Rosie O'Donnell
c) Deflated windbag Imus in the Morn'
Well despite the fact that all three of these mouth-breathing mongoloids are indistinguishable in a police lineup, the answer is clearly c, Imus in the Morn' doesn't belong, because unlike the other two idiots, Imus in the Morn' would never be caught dead spelling the alphabet with his tongue on Mrs. Clinton, bejeez.
God bless us and save us!
Well Imus in the Morn', hurry up and get your God forsaken butt back on the air. The rumor mill is spinnin' faster than Anna Nicole's mouth around that octogenarian's shalaylee! Imus on WABC, Curtis and Kuby on WOR, and Donna Hanover slippin' back into obscurity in the shadow of Rudy Giuliani where she belongs, that stinky-mouthed ho, bejeez.
Now let's get down to some serious business, Imus in the Morn'. Former Vice President Al Gore won the Nobel Peace Prize. What the hell is that all about, bejeez? That's like handing the code to the red button over to Ahmadinejad, for God's sake. Just what this methane-producin' cow needs is a Nobel Prize to go along with his Emmy award. What's next for this bloated dingbat? I'd like for him to go on for a motorcycle ride with George Clooney, I'll tell ya that much there, fella. If he wants to fix the hole in the ozone layer, skip the angus burger, bejeez. And speakin' of bloated dingbats, what's with dingy Harry Reid sendin' a letter to Rush Limbaugh's boss, tryin' to get him off the air? I wonder, if he made a few well-placed calls to Reverend Sharpass, maybe his stupid plan could have worked. Just what this fat pill-poppin' loser needs, Imus in the Morn', is to get more notoriety for blowin' out a bunch of hot air. At least he didn't call some of those soldiers na.. well you get the idea, dirtbag. Now Harry Reid can get back to his day job, playing stunt double to Ichabod Crane in the Sleepy Hollow movies, bejeez.
Now bow your heads, ya buncha man-juice guzzlin' homos, and let's pray.
In the name of the father, the son, and the holy ghost, the gay vatican priest gettin' it in the back door from the pope we want the most, Lord hear our prayer. Lord, we pray that Media Matters gets set on fire, and the I-man is reponsible for the arsonist's hire, Lord hear our prayer. And finally, Lord, we pray that Israelis take out another Syrian power plant, and while they're at it, fire a missle directly at al-Assad's pants, Lord hear our prayer.
WHICH DOESN'T BELONG AND WHY?!
Which doesn't belong and why?
a) Senator Barbara Mikulski
b) Former View host Rosie O'Donnell
c) Deflated windbag Imus in the Morn'
Well despite the fact that all three of these mouth-breathing mongoloids are indistinguishable in a police lineup, the answer is clearly c, Imus in the Morn' doesn't belong, because unlike the other two idiots, Imus in the Morn' would never be caught dead spelling the alphabet with his tongue on Mrs. Clinton, bejeez.
God bless us and save us!
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