Good morning and God Bless. ::clears throat::

Good morning to you too, Imus in the Morn'; I got a phone call last night, meant for you - the California Raisins were calling, and they wanted to offer you their botox coupons, bejeez. But I digress, Imus in the Morn'. If you ever do go to Iraq, ya dry-heaving
dirtbag, they should put you in charge. They'll have you makin' naked pyramids of prisoners and take pictures of you tyin' rope knots around their necks after so long. And what's with all these nooses poppin' up all over the country, bejeez? Some limp-wristed scumbags can't tie their shoes, so they have to practice with a bigger string? I hope one of them ends up on Mrs. Clinton's office door, and the whole situation manages to work itself out, God forgive me. Raise the doorknob, you fools! That'd certainly make the young colored fella with the Jew-hatin' name quite happy.

Everyone keeps rantin' and ravin' about Media Matters affecting your new show, Imus in the Morn', but they don't understand, bejeez. If Media Matters ceased to exist, MSNBC would be dark during prime time, just like their mornings are now. If they get desperate enough, they could start settin' the old studio on fire, and claim they're deep in Malibu, bejeez. I'm sure that'd be a real ratings draw, or at least, watchin' one of the plasma TVs collapse on top of that ugly cow Contessa Brewer and pin her to the ground, while an old Imus in the Morn' logo appears on it and brands her in the ass. At least then she could say she knows how Mrs. Imus feels, bejeez.

Now bow your heads ya indecent scumbags ya, bejeez. In the name of the father, the son, and the holy ghost, Imus startin' in the sequel to Fudgepack Mountain we want the most, Lord hear our prayer. Lord, we pray that Oral Roberts' school really does change its name, to another four-letter word to showcase the blame, Lord hear our prayer. Lord, we pray that NASA comes around to releasing the plane report on the net, and that one of those near-misses was with the I-man's jet, Lord hear our prayer. And finally, Lord, we pray that Ellen Degeneres trades that dog she had in for yet another cat, and that her girlfriend has somethin' nice to say about that, bejeez, Lord hea rour prayer.

WHICH DOESN'T BELONG AND WHY?!
Which doesn't belong and why?!

a) Rachael Ray
b) Martha Stewart
c) Imus in the Morn'

Well despite the fact that all three of these no-talent hacks all suck the life out of morning television, the answer is clearly a, Rachael Ray, because unlike the other two idiots, she's the only one that can pull off fishnet stockings without showing off her varicose veins, bejeez. God bless us and save us!

Good morning and God Bless! ::clears throat::

Well Imus in the Morn', hurry up and get your God forsaken butt back on the air. The rumor mill is spinnin' faster than Anna Nicole's mouth around that octogenarian's shalaylee! Imus on WABC, Curtis and Kuby on WOR, and Donna Hanover slippin' back into obscurity in the shadow of Rudy Giuliani where she belongs, that stinky-mouthed ho, bejeez.

Now let's get down to some serious business, Imus in the Morn'. Former Vice President Al Gore won the Nobel Peace Prize. What the hell is that all about, bejeez? That's like handing the code to the red button over to Ahmadinejad, for God's sake. Just what this methane-producin' cow needs is a Nobel Prize to go along with his Emmy award. What's next for this bloated dingbat? I'd like for him to go on for a motorcycle ride with George Clooney, I'll tell ya that much there, fella. If he wants to fix the hole in the ozone layer, skip the angus burger, bejeez. And speakin' of bloated dingbats, what's with dingy Harry Reid sendin' a letter to Rush Limbaugh's boss, tryin' to get him off the air? I wonder, if he made a few well-placed calls to Reverend Sharpass, maybe his stupid plan could have worked. Just what this fat pill-poppin' loser needs, Imus in the Morn', is to get more notoriety for blowin' out a bunch of hot air. At least he didn't call some of those soldiers na.. well you get the idea, dirtbag. Now Harry Reid can get back to his day job, playing stunt double to Ichabod Crane in the Sleepy Hollow movies, bejeez.

Now bow your heads, ya buncha man-juice guzzlin' homos, and let's pray.

In the name of the father, the son, and the holy ghost, the gay vatican priest gettin' it in the back door from the pope we want the most, Lord hear our prayer. Lord, we pray that Media Matters gets set on fire, and the I-man is reponsible for the arsonist's hire, Lord hear our prayer. And finally, Lord, we pray that Israelis take out another Syrian power plant, and while they're at it, fire a missle directly at al-Assad's pants, Lord hear our prayer.

WHICH DOESN'T BELONG AND WHY?!
Which doesn't belong and why?

a) Senator Barbara Mikulski
b) Former View host Rosie O'Donnell
c) Deflated windbag Imus in the Morn'

Well despite the fact that all three of these mouth-breathing mongoloids are indistinguishable in a police lineup, the answer is clearly c, Imus in the Morn' doesn't belong, because unlike the other two idiots, Imus in the Morn' would never be caught dead spelling the alphabet with his tongue on Mrs. Clinton, bejeez.

God bless us and save us!