Good morning and God Bless. ::clears throat::
Well Imus in the Morn', you decided to take a sick day last Friday, when I was plannin' on makin' me triumphant return back to your stupid show, ya raspy-throated sack of elephant dung ya, bejeez.
Someone needs to tell Mike Huckabee to throw in the towel already. Watchin' him hang on by a pubic hair to his handful of delegates makes me sick to me stomach, bejeez. I caught a picture of him standin' next to his tank of a wife the other day, Imus in the Morn' - she makes Barbara Mikulski look like a supermodel. Somebody point her back to the school library she wandered out of. She's got manhands the size of Roger Clemens' fake bicpes, God forgive me. I'm not sayin' she's ugly Imus in the Morn' - I'd still prefer to see her in the Hefner mag than, say, Madeline Albright, but even the black Jackie Kennedy, Michelle Obama, would be a nice change and bring hope to lonely and horny men all across the country!
Speakin' of potential first ladies Imus in the Morn', did you happen to catch Bill Clinton the other day, rantin' and ravin' about the jug-eared mulato with the Jew-hatin' name takin' a few words that some other chest-thumpin' pimp took from our foundin' documents? But unlike Obama's supporters faintin' at rallies, this stainmakin' douche bag was too busy lettin' his smallest supporter stay at attention whenever he got around a fat chick with a mouth like an Oreck, bejeez.
Now bow your heads, heathen bastards, and let's pray: In the name of the father, the son, and the holy ghost, Obama takin' a position in a speech we want the most, Lord hear our prayer. Lord, we pray that Fidel Castro's reign ends in a blaze of glory, with a new revolution to come in and unload their fury, Lord hear our prayer. Lord, we pray that Hillary Clinton makes a comeback, instead of takin' it on the chin from the superdelegates' coin sacks, Lord hear our prayer. And finally, Lord, we pray the writer's strike comes to an end and soon, before all the television shows get replaced by stupid cartoons, Lord hear our prayer.
WHICH DOESN'T BELONG AND WHY?!
Which doesn't belong and why?!
a) Chris Matthews
b) David Shuster
c) Imus in the Morn'
Well the answer is clearly a, droolin' dingbat Chris Matthews, because unlike the other two idiots, Matthews is the only one who can get away with saying something stupid on MSNBC and not gettin' his dumb ass suspended or fired for it.
God Bless Us and Save Us!