Good morning and God Bless! ::clears throat::
Well Imus in the Morn', it's been about two months, and I'm relegated to bein' on the back of a sour milk carton. I hope your fever goes so high yer stupid head spontaneously combusts, ya scarecrow-lookin' douche bag ya, bejeez!
Let's talk about the State of the Union address the other night, Imus in the Morn'. Hillary clinton, dressed up like a Chinese flag, leavin' one to only imagine where the five stars were, God forgive me. Nothin' like her sendin' a shout out to yer old homies at the last stage of only other man to ever be on top of ya, flaming dingbat! Or maybe, just maybe, it was a tailor-made outfit from her father, the grandmaster of Hell himself! I couldn't tell, but I hope he left a little hole in the back for her tail to poke out, bejeez. Where's the pitchfork honey, forget it at home or did ya let the stainmaker borrow it again? And then, when this horn-headed bitch goes to shake hands with the brandy-nosed bridge diver himself, the Hussein oreo turns his back to speak with Senator McCaskill, who at a quick glance does resemble the great satan herself, bejeez, except for the receeding hairline, God forgive me.
And what's the deal with Rudy Giuliani, Imus in the Morn'? This hobbit-lookin' hunched over ol' dwarf's campaign dropped faster than a Thai hooker in an airport bathroom. Happy trails, indeed, and enjoy your time at the family reunion - say hi to your kids for me!
Now, we're left with McCain and Romney dukin' it out like a nurse with a patient in a nursing home. Respect your elders, bejeez, even if they do have black babies.
Now bow your heads ya heathen dirtbags - in the name of the father, the son, and the holy ghost, Bill Clinton to shut the hell up we want the most, Lord hear our prayer. Lord, we pray that woman who put her grandson in the dog cage is sentenced by a judge to go to a vet to be spayed, Lord hear our prayer. Lord, we pray the falling satellite, falling at a deadly rate right on Steve Capus' stupid block head, Lord hear our prayer.
WHICH DOESN'T BELONG AND WHY?!
Which doesn't belong and why?!
a) George W. Bush
b) Howard Stern
c) Imus in the Morn'
Well despite the fact that all three of these former drug-addicted dirtbags should all have checked out a very, very long time ago, the answer is clearly a, George W. Bush, because unlike the other two idiots, even Howard Stern has at least one person to who cares about what he has to say on that stupid satellite deal.
God bless us and save us!