Good morning and God Bless. ::clears throat::

Well Imus in the Morn', it's good to hear you say you know who you should and shouldn't be invitin' back on your stupid show, bejeez. I'll be expectin' a phone call from your decayin' face, moltin' and mumblin' with your invitation to have me back!

But anyway Imus in the Morn', did ya see the bull dyke junior senator got pounded by the two men on top of her in the Iowa primary? Talk about bein' on the receivin' end, she took it deeper than Fatty Arbuckle's girlfriend takin' a Coke bottle, God rest her soul.

I happened to catch the debates the last coupla nights Imus in the Morn'. Whenever they get on the topic of immigration, I feel like playin' a game of pool, bejeez. Illegal immigrants and a cue ball have a lot in common Imus in the Morn' - the harder you hit 'em, the more English you get out of 'em!

But anyway Imus in the Morn', let's just hope your guy - John McCain - gets more votes in New Hampshire than actors who are plannin' on attendin' the Golden Globes!

Now bow your heads douche drinkers, and let's pray. In the name of the father, the son, and the holy ghost, a pine box for the I-man we wan the most, Lord hear our prayer! Lord, we pray that Sarkozy and his new girlfriend work out alright, and that dumb ho doesn't jump off the Eiffel tower one night, Lord hear our prayer! Lord, we pray that Britney Spears gets all the help she needs, and gets her kids back from Federline by shootin' out his knees, Lord hear our prayer!

WHICH DOESN'T BELONG AND WHY?!
Which doesn't belong and why?!

a) Hillary Clinton
b) Larry Craig
c) Imus in the Morn'

Well despite the fact that all three of them haven't slept with a man in quite some time and that neither one will ever be elected President of the United States, the answer is clearly C, Imus in the Morn' is the only one who hasn't had to kiss Strom Thurmond's ring at some point in their life.

God bless us and save us!