[This was initially posted as a comment on http://fakeimus.blogspot.com/]
Good morning and God Bless. ::clears throat::
Well Imus in the Morn', let's hurry up and make this quick so I can get the hell back over to the cathedral. I hear Mel Gibson is planning on joining this bunch of faggots that plan on going to the Today show and WFAN on this Friday Imus in the Morn'. They're gonna send him up to deal with the beanie-wearing bagel-eating management in the offices who are responsible for this whole mess.
I know the I-man is too much of a hen-pecked puss to show up. He might go into a coughing fit and knock the whole damn building down a moment after they agree to put his God forsaken show back on the air. I shouldn't be so harsh on the recently departed though. If there's one thing this little "vacation" has done for you, Imus in the Morn', it's put you where you really belong, in the damn ground, bejeez.
MCCORD! You got your nose so far up Francesa's butt you're starting to smell like his crap. One of these days he's gonna open his mouth and your head is gonna pop out, bejeez. Pretty soon you're gonna be playin' a little game of hide the shalaylee with him, you box-headed coke-bottled glassed idiot ya bejeez. Don't even get me started on that fat bastard Carlin and any of his antics, bejeez.
Now let's talk about something important you uneducated scumbag ya, bejeez. Did you see Rosie O'Donuts dressed her kid up as a terrorist? It's about time her true colors came out. What's she gonna do with the little thing? Send her to the fish factory on a heist, bejeez? She can get enough fish in her own bedroom so she won't be hungry for a year. Look at her, the fat pig - she could miss a meal or twenty. Put her on a vegan diet and she may end up looking worse than you, Imus in the Morn'.
Now bow your heads you sacreligious bastards you bejeez, and let's say a prayer so I can get the hell back over to the cathedral. In the name of the father, son, and holy ghost, Al Roker fired over epileptic slurs we want the most, Lord hear our prayer. Lord we pray that when the tuna lickin' Clinton loses the election, she'll be on the other end of Barack Hussein Obama's tiny little erection, Lord hear our prayer. Lord help us forgive CBS for firing the I-man, and hope that Les Moonves's head ends up in a trash can, Lord hear our prayer. Lord, we hope the I-man gets back on his toes, and stays there after calling those girls those bad three words, Lord hear our prayer!
WHICH DOESN'T BELONG AND WHY?! Which doesn't belong and why! A: MSNBC. B: CBS. C: Imus in the Morn'! Well I'm not waiting for you dumb schmucks to answer because the answer is clearly C, Imus in the Morn', because unlike these other two idiots, the only way Imus gets to be in a Jew is when he's screwing Mrs. Imus, and that hasn't happened since the 90's!
God bless us and save us.