Good evening and God Bless! ::clears throat:: The Cardinal's on an f-in roll, today, bejeez!
Well this rally thing is a few hours away. I sure hope these pencil-necked idiots know what the hell they're doing. Just what the I-man needs is 3, if he's lucky, dolts on television making idiots out of themselves. If there's one thing worse than some mentally prepubescent 30 year-olds acting like morons on national television, it's someone doing it in the name of Imus in the Morn', bejeez!
Did you see that wrestler who took out his whole family, Imus in the Morn'? Sounds like something the skeleton with the cowboy hat would have done on April 13 around 10:30 in the morn'. They said it was "roid rage" - keep Hulk Hogan the hell away from me, bejeez!
There's a story they're airing over there on CNN Imus in the Morn'. It's not like you'd have the sentience to know that, you decaying corpse you, bejeez. Turns out that researchers are looking at how people walk to determine if they're gay by strapping a red light to their ass and turning the lights out and filmin' it. Sounds like a porno at the Imus house, bejeez. I have a solution to this, though! I say we send Clay Aiken and Anderson Cooper on a date and see how they walk after that. Their asses will be red and glowing, that's for sure. Those pillow biting fudgepackers would make excellent research subjects, bejeez! We could even put one on you, Imus in the Morn', but you can't walk more than five steps without choking on your own air. Go fall off a horse again you flippin' douchebag ya, bejeez!
Now bow your heads and let's pray! I got other things to do today that don't involve you retards!
In the name of the father, son, and holy ghost, Imus taking his last breath we want the most. Lord hear our prayer. Lord, we pay that on the day we finally resolve this whole mess, that the I-man actually beats wee little Wyatt at a game of chess, Lord hear our prayer. And finally Lord we pray that now that Paris Hilton is out of jail, she gets drunk again and has intimate relations with a guard rail, Lord hear our prayer!
WHICH DOESN'T BELONG AND WHY?! Which doesn't belong and why! A: Larry King. B: Contessa Brewer. C: Imus in the Morn'! Well the answer is clearly B you morons because even though all three of these chain-smoking no talent hacks deserve an early visit from the angel of death, Contessa Brewer can actually get up and move around without worrying about having a heart attack!
God bless us and save us!