Well idiots, good morning and God bless. ::clears throat::
The cardinal's a bit laid up this morning. He had some bad Chinese food last night and spent the night in agony praying to the porcelain God, Lord forgive me. Damn slanty-eyed gooks can't see what they're putting in the cardinal's food, bejeez. Needless to say, the Cardinal isn't going to work today either. He'll be saying his prayers from home today.
Now let's get down to business, Imus in the Morn'. The business is these bunch of blasphemous morons are setting up a little charade outside the Today show as we speak. I hope you're looking down on these nimrods Imus in the Morn' and shaking your head, bejeez. They're playing this eulogy for you on WFAN too, celebrating your "memory", though I think we should be celebrating your death in all honesty. It's about time we planted you, you pathetic bastard. Now Deirdre can find out who the real father of Wyatt is. Hell, he's old enough now to start helping her with her homework! You think all that tossing and turning while you slept was how he was conceived, you flippin' douche bag ya bejeez? It takes more than that, you satchel-faced buffoon. Didn't you pay attention in fifth grade or were you too busy checking out the preschoolers?
They're playing this little bit on WFAN about you and Bill Clinton, Imus in the Morn' - saying how he "revolutionized" your show. He certainly left his mark, if you know what I mean. His fishmongering wife can't say that. The Lincoln bedroom wasn't the only thing she was selling out, bejeez.
Now let's say a quick prayer so the cardinal can go the hell back to bed. In the name of the father, the son, and the holy ghost, Imus back on the air we want the most - Lord hear our prayer. Lord we pray that Al Roker gets fired, and in the same breath the I-man gets rehired. And finally Lord we pray that the studios at MSNBC, get drifted out into the Atlantic sea.
God bless us and save us!