Good morning and God Bless ::clears throat::.
I hope you had a good turkey day Imus in the Morn' and didn't get too worked up watchin' one of your own get carved up ya cannibal. Don't give me any of that vegetarian nonsense - I know the truth, ya loose-necked douchebag ya. I hope you got a good look ya flippin' dirtbag, because that's the type of plastic surgery your wife and child are secretly plannin' for ya - they call it a neckectomy, and in fact, they've already lined up the doctor Kanye West's mother had, bejeez!
Well Imus in the Morn', in a week your nasty mug will induce morning sickness on the country once again. It'll be plenty of fun to watch the heads of those in your live audience go down into brown paper bags faster than Anna Nicole went down on that 80-year-old prune, God rest her soul. Seein' you on the rural network will do wonders for crop growth - seeing how when the farm animals are unlucky enough to walk by the farm house, God forbid, they'll be leavin' piles of Miracle-Gro on the porch, bejeez, seein' one of their own on TV, and from the backside no doubt!
But let's get down to business Imus in the Morn'. Hulk Hogan's wife is filin' for divorce, and the dumb ho forgot to tell him, bejeez! I'm sure it was on her to-do list though, right after Jose the poolboy. And Dennis Rodman is bein' accused of givin' the Bill Clinton treatment to some girl out in Sin City - the only problem is, this dress-wearin' chest-thumpin' half-a-faggot fairy doesn't know which side of the fence he belongs on, bejeez, let alone who - or in his case, what -- to grab!
Now bow your heads scumbags, and let's pray - in the name of the father, the son, and the holy ghost, the world's smallest violin for Ron Kuby we want the most, Lord hear our prayer. Lord, we pray the next term limit referendum held by Chavez is a success, and we pray that it calls for several bullets lodged in the skull of the fat mess, Lord hear our prayer. Lord, we pray the Broadway strike comes to an end and soon, so these pillow-biting faggots can get back on their stages to croon, Lord hear our prayer. And finally, Lord, we pray that the I-man lives out his five year contract, and those mongoloids at Media Matters have nothin' to say about that, Lord hear our prayer.
WHICH DOESN'T BELONG AND WHY?!
Which doesn't belong and why?!
a) Morning Schmoe
b) Hillary Clinton
c) Imus in the Morn'
The answer is b, ya dirtbags, despite the fact that all three of these hillbillies look like extras from the Deliverance film, Hillary Clinton is the only one who has nightly meetings by the fire with a horned demon she refers to as Daddy - and I'm not talkin' about Bill Clinton, bejeez! God bless us and save us!