Good morning and God Bless. ::clears throat::
Well Imus in the Morn', it's good to see ya put 3 weeks into your new show, and then took a week off for vacation. What're ya tired from, dirtbag - not used to dryheavin' for so long without takin' a break anymore, bejeez? Was your little kiddie camp and it's lack of air while ya sleep startin' to be appealin', ya antediluvian douche bag ya, bejeez.
Did ya see what happened to Bhutto yesterday, Imus in the Morn'? Poor lady, God rest her soul, but the ragheads guardin' her apparently didn't learn anything from the Kennedy deal, bejeez. If there's one thing these idiots should learn from the people they hate the most, it's how to protect their damn leaders instead of watchin' their heads fly off in fifteen different pieces. It's like Humpty Dumpty all over again. You don't see Osama bin Dumbass walkin' around with a bullseye strapped to his back, do ya, so why'd this poor lady stick her neck out, literally, bejeez?! And to make matters worse, ya deflated windbag, her supporters thought it would be a good idea to run around their town and start settin' the bank, the post office, the buses, and the trains on fire, bejeez. That'll do a lotta good. No wonder those cavemen have been havin' dirt meals for the last millenium, bejeez.
And speakin' o' necks, Imus in the Morn' - Hillary Clinton's neck is startin' to look like yours, bejeez! That whole Mother Goose look is startin' to catch on. You two are gonna make Doris Roberts look like Miss America, bejeez. Or maybe, could it be from the jug-eared mulatto with the Jew-hatin' name tuggin' at her re-election chances, and it startin' to show on her face? I caught a glimpse of her on the Drudge website the other day, Imus in the Morn', and I thought that Barbara Bush was campaigning, bejeez. Same look, y'know - tank with eyes movin' straight ahead. Get out of the way, ya knocked-kneed buncha faggots ya, lest ye be run over by the Great Satan!
With all this talk of guns and evil Imus in the Morn, I've gotta make mention of Mike Huckabee thinkin' he's the Vice-President. The other day, this idiot decided to go pheasant hunting with a bunch o' mainstream media types and got a little trigger happy, firin' a coupla shots over their pea-brained pinheads, bejeez.
Now bow your heads, ya buncha dirtbags, and let's say a prayer. This past Tuesday was the birth of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ! The person, you dimwits, not the explitive you shout at wee little Wyatt when he kicks your flabby backside at a game of chess in three moves, bejeez. In the name of the father, the son, and the holy ghost, Ashley Alexander back with the I-man we want the most, Lord hear our prayer! Lord, we pray that a video tape surfaces of Edwards and Obama, and the 400-dollar haircuttin' faggot is givin' it in Obama's backside just like he does to his babies' mama, Lord hear our prayer! And finally, Lord, we pray that the late night shows get back on the air and quick - before these nighttime nitwits start dependin' on the new Imus in the Morn' for sarcastic wit, bejeez.
WHICH DOESN'T BELONG AND WHY?!
Which doesn't belong and why?!
a) Britney Spears
b) Christina Aguilera
c) Imus in the Morn'
Well despite the fact that all three of these no-talent hacks have all polluted the airwaves with their own brand of stench, the answer is clearly c, Imus in the Morn', because unlike the other two idiots, Imus in the Morn' has never given birth to his own spawn, let alone takin' it in the belly button in hopes of gettin' knocked up, bejeez.
God bless us and save us!