Wrote this up kinda quick, but I've been in demand... :)
Good morning and God Bless. ::clears throat::
Well Imus in the Morn', first I wanna wish my bagel-eatin' beanie-wearin' brothers a happy new year. Hopefully their last, bejeez, if Ahmadinejad has anything to say about it, God forgive me. And now Larry Craig wants to withdraw his guilty plea, what he should have withdrawn was his foot from the other guy's stall, bejeez! Maybe what he should really do is go to Russia, where they're havin' a shalaylee-hidin' day. He could invade a lotta red bathrooms, and maybe even leave his mark if the man's pulls his hummer into the garage a bit too quick if you get me drift, ya chicken-faced crusty assface, bejeez. These poor Senators are havin' a bad coupla months Imus in the Morn'. I heard on the news the other day a hooker told Senator Vitter no because she had a headache. It doesn't get much worse than that, at least that's what Larry Craig said, bejeez. And is it me, Imus in the morn', or does Hillary Clinton's fugitive fund-raiser, the nippy-eyed Hsu, look a lot like that artifical boy Zeno that was released the other day? Resemblence is uncanny, bejeez! I'm surprised the little robot isn't printin' the bills for the horned ho herself, God forgive me.
Now bow your heads, ya sacreligious bastards, and let's pray. In the name of the father, the son, and the holy ghost, a burly cell mate for that polygamist leader we want the most, Lord hear our prayer. Lord, we pray that the New England Patriots leave the video cameras on in the locker room too, and that the tape gets found so that homos like Lance Bass rub out a knuckle child or two, Lord hear our prayer. Lord, we pray that the next time the Nationals and Marlins play that someone attends, before the owners of the team drive through the stadium with their Benzes, Lord hear our prayer.
WHICH DOESN'T BELONG AND WHY?!
Which doesn't belong and why?
a) Rutgers player Kia Vaughn
b) Senator Hillary Rotten Clinton
c) Speechless idiot Imus in the Morn'
Well despite the fact that all three of these morons have to sit down before they go to the bathroom, the answer is clearly a, because unlike the other two idiots, at least Kia has enough sense to know when she's in over her head, bejeez - God bless us and save us!