Good morning and God Bless! ::clears throat::
Well Imus in the Morn', did ya see that Senator Larry Craig starred in a movie called "Brokeback Bathroom"? This foot-tappin' sex monger just rubbed out his re-election chances, bejeez. Shoulda pled not guilty, ya shalaylee hidin' schmuck ya. And in even bigger news, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales quit, effective the middle of September. President BB Brain says his good name was dragged through the mud, like that black man tied to the back of those Texans' pickup, God rest his soul.
It seems the French want to get in on the action, too. Sarkozy was sayin' today how he wants to attack Iran. The whole concept is pretty funny, Imus in the Morn' - the French fighting a war. Ha, that's like a priest touching a girl. It'll never happen, bejeez! And now Britney Spears is being targeted in a child abuse investigation. Stevie Wonder could have seen that. Are they goin' after Federline next? Buncha slimy bastards, bejeez.
Now bow your heads, and let's pray. In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost, Ana Marie chokin' on her last name want the most, Lord hear our prayer. Lord, we pray that Michael Vick has a good time in the slammer, and his burly cellmate named Bubba treats Vick's poophole to his hammer, Lord hear our prayer. Lord, we pray Miss South Carolina can finally track down a map, and hopefully it keeps this dumb ho from usin' her noisy trap, Lord hear our prayer. Finally, Lord, we pray the rate slows of people who get obese, and these fat bastards start eating more greens in place of meat, Lord hear our prayer.
WHICH DOESN'T BELONG AND WHY?!
Which doesn't belong and why?!
a) Disgraced Congressman Mark Foley
b) House Speaker Nancy Pelosi
c) Embattled radio icon Imus in the Morn'
While all three of these putrid morons all deserve to be set on fire and have their ashes scattered into the depths of space, the answer is clearly c, embattled radio icon Imus in the Morn', because unlike the other two dingbats, Imus is the only one with wrinkly flaps of skin who doesn't insist on the rest of the world suckin' on them in sleazy airport bathrooms, bejeez.
God bless us and save us.
Monday, August 27, 2007
Thursday, August 23, 2007
Good morning and God Bless! ::clears throat::
What a hell of a news week it's been, Imus in the Morn'. Canine-killer Michael Vick is finally bein' put in the pound - well, they'll pound him alright if you get me drift, bejeez. Kiss the NFL goodbye, ya chest-thumpin' pimp ya. And last night, MSLSD had a story about people in their eighties still playin' hide the shalaylee - is this true, Imus in the Morn'? You'd know better than anyone. In addition to this, a bunch o' cops in Deerpark, New York were all at a local Hooters partyin' the other night but no one was on duty. Damn decadent owl comprimisin' the security of that there city, bejeez. And last on the list of utter crap and nonsense for the week, Imus in the Morn', is that pigeon crap might have caused the collapse of the bridge in Minneapolis. Talk about the government really steppin' in a pile of their own guano, bejeez. Can't they hire an illegal alien to clean it off with a toothbrush? That's what I call amnesty and a desire to work, bejeez!
Now let's get down to business, Imus in the Morn'. The Democrats, asses that they are, keep goin' for each other's throats. Obama's wife spent the week takin' shots at Hillary Clinton askin' her how she could expect to run the White House if she can't run her own house, bejeez. Physician, heal thyself. And also, John Edwards is clingin' to life in the Democrat race by the tensile strength of a pubic hair, bejeez. Give it up Johnny, your time is up. This man has spent more time runnin' for office, than he did in the office he was elected to, bejeez. And Giuliani's opponents are tryin' to use his New York record against him. The only thing I'd hold against him is that godawful combover he tried to pull off for so long. Get a haircut, bejeez, or at least a toupée. And now Mitt Romney, who's my candidate by the way, is muddlin' his stance on abortion, claimin' he backs the states to make their own decisions about abortion, until the whole country can ban it again. Pick a side there, fella, and stick with it, bejeez.
Now bow your heads, you heathen bastards, and let's say a prayer, so I can get the hell up to the hospital. In the name of the father, the son, and the holy ghost, the I-man gettin' his wrinkled old ass back on the air we want the most. Lord hear our prayer. Lord, we pray that Vladimir Putin doesn't go out again without a shirt, but instead the paparazzi get a shot of this commie douchebag in a skirt. Lord hear our prayer. Lord, we pray that no one gives Michael Vick a chance, and when they send him to the pound the whole country does a dance, Lord hear our prayer. And finally, Lord, we pray the Chinese keep at learning English, and the next time I go to a nippy-eyed restaurant, they bring me out the right dish, Lord hear our prayer!
WHICH DOESN'T BELONG AND WHY?!
Which doesn't belong and why?!
a) Dopie and Anthony
b) JV and Elvis
c) Imus in the Morn'
Well despite the fact that all three were driven out of town by loud-mouthed, opinionated beanie-wearers, the answer is clearly a, Dopie and Anthony, because unlike the other two dingbats, they're still on the air, bejeez.
God bless us and save us! (more)
What a hell of a news week it's been, Imus in the Morn'. Canine-killer Michael Vick is finally bein' put in the pound - well, they'll pound him alright if you get me drift, bejeez. Kiss the NFL goodbye, ya chest-thumpin' pimp ya. And last night, MSLSD had a story about people in their eighties still playin' hide the shalaylee - is this true, Imus in the Morn'? You'd know better than anyone. In addition to this, a bunch o' cops in Deerpark, New York were all at a local Hooters partyin' the other night but no one was on duty. Damn decadent owl comprimisin' the security of that there city, bejeez. And last on the list of utter crap and nonsense for the week, Imus in the Morn', is that pigeon crap might have caused the collapse of the bridge in Minneapolis. Talk about the government really steppin' in a pile of their own guano, bejeez. Can't they hire an illegal alien to clean it off with a toothbrush? That's what I call amnesty and a desire to work, bejeez!
Now let's get down to business, Imus in the Morn'. The Democrats, asses that they are, keep goin' for each other's throats. Obama's wife spent the week takin' shots at Hillary Clinton askin' her how she could expect to run the White House if she can't run her own house, bejeez. Physician, heal thyself. And also, John Edwards is clingin' to life in the Democrat race by the tensile strength of a pubic hair, bejeez. Give it up Johnny, your time is up. This man has spent more time runnin' for office, than he did in the office he was elected to, bejeez. And Giuliani's opponents are tryin' to use his New York record against him. The only thing I'd hold against him is that godawful combover he tried to pull off for so long. Get a haircut, bejeez, or at least a toupée. And now Mitt Romney, who's my candidate by the way, is muddlin' his stance on abortion, claimin' he backs the states to make their own decisions about abortion, until the whole country can ban it again. Pick a side there, fella, and stick with it, bejeez.
Now bow your heads, you heathen bastards, and let's say a prayer, so I can get the hell up to the hospital. In the name of the father, the son, and the holy ghost, the I-man gettin' his wrinkled old ass back on the air we want the most. Lord hear our prayer. Lord, we pray that Vladimir Putin doesn't go out again without a shirt, but instead the paparazzi get a shot of this commie douchebag in a skirt. Lord hear our prayer. Lord, we pray that no one gives Michael Vick a chance, and when they send him to the pound the whole country does a dance, Lord hear our prayer. And finally, Lord, we pray the Chinese keep at learning English, and the next time I go to a nippy-eyed restaurant, they bring me out the right dish, Lord hear our prayer!
WHICH DOESN'T BELONG AND WHY?!
Which doesn't belong and why?!
a) Dopie and Anthony
b) JV and Elvis
c) Imus in the Morn'
Well despite the fact that all three were driven out of town by loud-mouthed, opinionated beanie-wearers, the answer is clearly a, Dopie and Anthony, because unlike the other two dingbats, they're still on the air, bejeez.
God bless us and save us! (more)
Monday, August 13, 2007
Good morning and God Bless. ::clears throat::
What a weekend it's been, Imus in the Morn'. Merv Griffin, God rest his soul, took a spin at his own wheel of fortune, and ended up on dead, bejeez. Did you see the Mormon from Massachusetts won the Iowa straw poll, ya decayin' douche bag ya? He's makin' a big deal out of it, too - why don't we see which way the wind is blowin' tomorrow, especially after Satan starts lettin' out some of her own hot air, bejeez.
It caught my attention today that Kevin Federline is tryin' to gain custody of him and Britney Spears' unholy children. Why, for God's sake, would someone give them from her to him? Chris Benoit would make a better father than him, bejeez, and the little heathens would probably stay alive a little while longer too.
They've said that the United States has fallen on the life expectancy ranking. I, for one, don't believe it! Every year I get to see you get more and more fossilized, and every year I think to myself that more and more, you're starting to resemble the product of an abortion conceived by Gollum from Lord of the Rings and Rosie O'Donuts, ya stinky dyin' douchebag ya bejeez.
And speakin' of piles of useless dung, did you see that President BB Brain has finally flushed the turd blossom? Goodbye, and good riddance, bejesus, to this Rush Limbaugh-lookin' war criminal. What happened, Georgie? Was he stinkin' up the White House more than the Prime Minister of India, bejesus?
Now bow your heads, dirtbags, and let's pray so I can get the hell over to the Monday night mass. In the name of the father, son, and holy ghost, a pine box for the I-man we want the most, Lord hear our prayer. Lord, we pray the Republicans do well on the debate on YouTube, instead of appearin' as a bunch of boobs, Lord hear our prayer. Lord, we pray that Dan Rather has no chance at a comeback, and that the viewers don't rally behind this braindead ninety-year-old hack, Lord hear our prayer. And finally, Lord, we hope that the people stuck in the mine turn out okay, and that everyone reading this joins with me to pray, Lord hear our prayer.
WHICH DOESN'T BELONG AND WHY?!
Which doesn't belong and why?!
a) Turd-blossoming war criminal Karl Rove
b) CNN newsbunny Anderson Cooper
c) Buzzard-faced douche bag Imus in the Morn'
Despite the fact that all three of these mentally-handicapped morons ride safety helmets on the short bus on a daily basis, the answer is clearly b, because unlike the other two dingbats, CNN newsbunny Anderson Cooper is the only one you can expect to find with his face shoved into a pillow at the end of the night, screamin' out Brad Pitt's name while another man keeps knockin' on his back door, bejeez.
God bless us and save us!
What a weekend it's been, Imus in the Morn'. Merv Griffin, God rest his soul, took a spin at his own wheel of fortune, and ended up on dead, bejeez. Did you see the Mormon from Massachusetts won the Iowa straw poll, ya decayin' douche bag ya? He's makin' a big deal out of it, too - why don't we see which way the wind is blowin' tomorrow, especially after Satan starts lettin' out some of her own hot air, bejeez.
It caught my attention today that Kevin Federline is tryin' to gain custody of him and Britney Spears' unholy children. Why, for God's sake, would someone give them from her to him? Chris Benoit would make a better father than him, bejeez, and the little heathens would probably stay alive a little while longer too.
They've said that the United States has fallen on the life expectancy ranking. I, for one, don't believe it! Every year I get to see you get more and more fossilized, and every year I think to myself that more and more, you're starting to resemble the product of an abortion conceived by Gollum from Lord of the Rings and Rosie O'Donuts, ya stinky dyin' douchebag ya bejeez.
And speakin' of piles of useless dung, did you see that President BB Brain has finally flushed the turd blossom? Goodbye, and good riddance, bejesus, to this Rush Limbaugh-lookin' war criminal. What happened, Georgie? Was he stinkin' up the White House more than the Prime Minister of India, bejesus?
Now bow your heads, dirtbags, and let's pray so I can get the hell over to the Monday night mass. In the name of the father, son, and holy ghost, a pine box for the I-man we want the most, Lord hear our prayer. Lord, we pray the Republicans do well on the debate on YouTube, instead of appearin' as a bunch of boobs, Lord hear our prayer. Lord, we pray that Dan Rather has no chance at a comeback, and that the viewers don't rally behind this braindead ninety-year-old hack, Lord hear our prayer. And finally, Lord, we hope that the people stuck in the mine turn out okay, and that everyone reading this joins with me to pray, Lord hear our prayer.
WHICH DOESN'T BELONG AND WHY?!
Which doesn't belong and why?!
a) Turd-blossoming war criminal Karl Rove
b) CNN newsbunny Anderson Cooper
c) Buzzard-faced douche bag Imus in the Morn'
Despite the fact that all three of these mentally-handicapped morons ride safety helmets on the short bus on a daily basis, the answer is clearly b, because unlike the other two dingbats, CNN newsbunny Anderson Cooper is the only one you can expect to find with his face shoved into a pillow at the end of the night, screamin' out Brad Pitt's name while another man keeps knockin' on his back door, bejeez.
God bless us and save us!
Friday, August 10, 2007
Good morning and God Bless. ::clears throat::
Well congratulations on gettin' your little camp on TV, Imus in the Morn' - of course, it's on a that dogs can't even hear or see. Your intelligence and your foresight is exceeded only by your humility. And might I say, Imus in the Morn', since you don't have much to do these days, why don't you go help out Phil Spector. The judge, the jury, and the police wouldn't even be able to tell the two of you apart, ya wrinkled up Betty Ford-lookin' sissy ya. The two of you are indistinguishable, bejesus!
I saw a story on the news yesterday, Imus in the Morn', about some burqa-wearin' old Muslim shootin' her husband to death while he slept a coupla days ago. He was all set to go to Africa to play hide the salami with some other Hefty-bagged ho he recently married, and she wasn't too keen on that there, fella. I can't blame him though, one look at her and it would make your dog's backside look more desirable. Now I know how Mrs. Imus feels, ya wrinkled up corpse ya.
You know Imus in the Morn', I was walkin' through the pharmacy the other day, and I saw a picture of your face on a bottle of poison right above the label, bejeez. It must have been from the early days though - no wrinkles, just bones, ya decaying scumbag ya.
By the way, Imus in the Morn', I caught a story in the newspaper the other day, about some columnist askin' how members of the public would carry out a terrorist attack. I wrote this dingbat a letter, and told him to shut his pie hole because nobody gives a rat's backside, ya tired old douche bag ya, bejeez. I wouldn't be surprised if you sent him a suggestion, ya stuffed cadaver ya. You know, it's a good thing that taxidermy has come as far as it has, Imus in the Morn', otherwise you'd be nothin' but a skeleton in a cowboy hat propped up in a chair strapped to a heart and lung machine, bejeez.
Now bow your heads, ya buncha sacreligious faggots ya, and let's say a prayer. In the name of the father, the song, and the holy ghost, Imus shot by that burqa-wearin' ho we want the most. Lord hear our prayer. Spit it out, ya schmucks ya. Lord, we pray that China does manage to get to the moon, and that they have no way of getting back to Earth, those slanty-eyed buffoons. Lord hear our prayer. Lord, we pray that this dingbat in Kansas livin' in his car, stops stinkin' up the town by thinking his toilet is his backyard. Lord hear our prayer. Finally, Lord, we pray that over this weekend the stock market keeps going red, and Jim Cramer has a heart attack and ends up dead, bejeez. Lord hear our prayer.
WHICH DOESN'T BELONG AND WHY?!
Which doesn't belong and why?!
a) MSNBC newsman Dan Abrams
b) CBS newswoman Leslie Stahl
c) Load-swallowin' homo Imus in the Morn'
Well the answer is clearly c, load-swallowin' homo Imus in the Morn', because unlike the other mouth-breathing mongoloids, Imus has more balls than either of the other two combined.
Have a lovely weekend!
God bless us and save us!
Well congratulations on gettin' your little camp on TV, Imus in the Morn' - of course, it's on a that dogs can't even hear or see. Your intelligence and your foresight is exceeded only by your humility. And might I say, Imus in the Morn', since you don't have much to do these days, why don't you go help out Phil Spector. The judge, the jury, and the police wouldn't even be able to tell the two of you apart, ya wrinkled up Betty Ford-lookin' sissy ya. The two of you are indistinguishable, bejesus!
I saw a story on the news yesterday, Imus in the Morn', about some burqa-wearin' old Muslim shootin' her husband to death while he slept a coupla days ago. He was all set to go to Africa to play hide the salami with some other Hefty-bagged ho he recently married, and she wasn't too keen on that there, fella. I can't blame him though, one look at her and it would make your dog's backside look more desirable. Now I know how Mrs. Imus feels, ya wrinkled up corpse ya.
You know Imus in the Morn', I was walkin' through the pharmacy the other day, and I saw a picture of your face on a bottle of poison right above the label, bejeez. It must have been from the early days though - no wrinkles, just bones, ya decaying scumbag ya.
By the way, Imus in the Morn', I caught a story in the newspaper the other day, about some columnist askin' how members of the public would carry out a terrorist attack. I wrote this dingbat a letter, and told him to shut his pie hole because nobody gives a rat's backside, ya tired old douche bag ya, bejeez. I wouldn't be surprised if you sent him a suggestion, ya stuffed cadaver ya. You know, it's a good thing that taxidermy has come as far as it has, Imus in the Morn', otherwise you'd be nothin' but a skeleton in a cowboy hat propped up in a chair strapped to a heart and lung machine, bejeez.
Now bow your heads, ya buncha sacreligious faggots ya, and let's say a prayer. In the name of the father, the song, and the holy ghost, Imus shot by that burqa-wearin' ho we want the most. Lord hear our prayer. Spit it out, ya schmucks ya. Lord, we pray that China does manage to get to the moon, and that they have no way of getting back to Earth, those slanty-eyed buffoons. Lord hear our prayer. Lord, we pray that this dingbat in Kansas livin' in his car, stops stinkin' up the town by thinking his toilet is his backyard. Lord hear our prayer. Finally, Lord, we pray that over this weekend the stock market keeps going red, and Jim Cramer has a heart attack and ends up dead, bejeez. Lord hear our prayer.
WHICH DOESN'T BELONG AND WHY?!
Which doesn't belong and why?!
a) MSNBC newsman Dan Abrams
b) CBS newswoman Leslie Stahl
c) Load-swallowin' homo Imus in the Morn'
Well the answer is clearly c, load-swallowin' homo Imus in the Morn', because unlike the other mouth-breathing mongoloids, Imus has more balls than either of the other two combined.
Have a lovely weekend!
God bless us and save us!
Monday, August 6, 2007
Good morning and God Bless. ::clears throat::
Well Imus in the Morn', it's the middle of August, and you're still in the middle of nowhere in terms of announcin' how and when your God forsaken show is plannin' on makin' its way back to the air. What's wrong, ya flippin' moron? Have ya passed away already, bejeez?
Did you happen to see that Guiliani's daughter is supportin' the young colored guy with the Jew hatin' name from Illinois? You know it's bad when your own child won't even vote for you to be president, bejeez. Why don't you ask Wyatt who he'd vote for if you ran, you grizzly old fossil ya. He'd probably vote for Satan before he votes for your dumbass, ya cradle-robbin' cadaver ya, bejeez. And speakin' of the cold war, do you know the man with the Jew hatin' name and Satan-worshipper Hillary Clinton haven't spoken to each other for months? I, for one, find it hard to believe that these two allies of evil can't find it in their black hearts to get along.
And did you see that President BB Brain went over to talk to Musharraf about catchin' Osama? They still think it can be done. Why don't they ask Houdini how he survived all his magic tricks while they're at it, bejeez. And the French President, Nicolas Sarkozy, lost his cool toward a buncha American photographers in New Hampshire this past weekend, Imus in the Morn'. Zut alors, indeed, for these wine-suckin' buncha obstinant hooligans, bejeez. They should be happy their ugly mugs didn't break the cameras, God forgive me.
Now bow your heads, ya buncha heretics, and let's pray. In the name of the father, the son, and the holy ghost, the I-man goin' for a ride on the 35 bridge we want the most, Lord hear our prayer. Lord, we pray that Whoopi Goldberg does well on The View, and the public doesn't throw up from lookin' at the fugly shrew, Lord hear our prayer. Lord, we pray that Rachael Ray can finally lose some weight, so she stops gimpin' around with that obese gait, Lord hear our prayer. And finally, Lord, we pray that the MSNBC studio catches on fire, and we pray that Steve Capus ends up inside hangin' from a wire, Lord hear our prayer.
WHICH DOESN'T BELONG AND WHY?!
Which doesn't belong and why?
a) CBS news bunny Katie Couric
b) NBC weatherman Al Roker
c) Morning show idiot Imus in the Morn'
Well the answer is clearly a, CBS news bunny Katie Couric, because unlike the other two idiots, she's the only one who can have a yeast infection and PMS at the same time, and call it a wine and cheese party, bejeez.
God bless us and save us.
Well Imus in the Morn', it's the middle of August, and you're still in the middle of nowhere in terms of announcin' how and when your God forsaken show is plannin' on makin' its way back to the air. What's wrong, ya flippin' moron? Have ya passed away already, bejeez?
Did you happen to see that Guiliani's daughter is supportin' the young colored guy with the Jew hatin' name from Illinois? You know it's bad when your own child won't even vote for you to be president, bejeez. Why don't you ask Wyatt who he'd vote for if you ran, you grizzly old fossil ya. He'd probably vote for Satan before he votes for your dumbass, ya cradle-robbin' cadaver ya, bejeez. And speakin' of the cold war, do you know the man with the Jew hatin' name and Satan-worshipper Hillary Clinton haven't spoken to each other for months? I, for one, find it hard to believe that these two allies of evil can't find it in their black hearts to get along.
And did you see that President BB Brain went over to talk to Musharraf about catchin' Osama? They still think it can be done. Why don't they ask Houdini how he survived all his magic tricks while they're at it, bejeez. And the French President, Nicolas Sarkozy, lost his cool toward a buncha American photographers in New Hampshire this past weekend, Imus in the Morn'. Zut alors, indeed, for these wine-suckin' buncha obstinant hooligans, bejeez. They should be happy their ugly mugs didn't break the cameras, God forgive me.
Now bow your heads, ya buncha heretics, and let's pray. In the name of the father, the son, and the holy ghost, the I-man goin' for a ride on the 35 bridge we want the most, Lord hear our prayer. Lord, we pray that Whoopi Goldberg does well on The View, and the public doesn't throw up from lookin' at the fugly shrew, Lord hear our prayer. Lord, we pray that Rachael Ray can finally lose some weight, so she stops gimpin' around with that obese gait, Lord hear our prayer. And finally, Lord, we pray that the MSNBC studio catches on fire, and we pray that Steve Capus ends up inside hangin' from a wire, Lord hear our prayer.
WHICH DOESN'T BELONG AND WHY?!
Which doesn't belong and why?
a) CBS news bunny Katie Couric
b) NBC weatherman Al Roker
c) Morning show idiot Imus in the Morn'
Well the answer is clearly a, CBS news bunny Katie Couric, because unlike the other two idiots, she's the only one who can have a yeast infection and PMS at the same time, and call it a wine and cheese party, bejeez.
God bless us and save us.
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