Good morning and God Bless. ::clears throat::
Well Imus in the Morn', it's the middle of August, and you're still in the middle of nowhere in terms of announcin' how and when your God forsaken show is plannin' on makin' its way back to the air. What's wrong, ya flippin' moron? Have ya passed away already, bejeez?
Did you happen to see that Guiliani's daughter is supportin' the young colored guy with the Jew hatin' name from Illinois? You know it's bad when your own child won't even vote for you to be president, bejeez. Why don't you ask Wyatt who he'd vote for if you ran, you grizzly old fossil ya. He'd probably vote for Satan before he votes for your dumbass, ya cradle-robbin' cadaver ya, bejeez. And speakin' of the cold war, do you know the man with the Jew hatin' name and Satan-worshipper Hillary Clinton haven't spoken to each other for months? I, for one, find it hard to believe that these two allies of evil can't find it in their black hearts to get along.
And did you see that President BB Brain went over to talk to Musharraf about catchin' Osama? They still think it can be done. Why don't they ask Houdini how he survived all his magic tricks while they're at it, bejeez. And the French President, Nicolas Sarkozy, lost his cool toward a buncha American photographers in New Hampshire this past weekend, Imus in the Morn'. Zut alors, indeed, for these wine-suckin' buncha obstinant hooligans, bejeez. They should be happy their ugly mugs didn't break the cameras, God forgive me.
Now bow your heads, ya buncha heretics, and let's pray. In the name of the father, the son, and the holy ghost, the I-man goin' for a ride on the 35 bridge we want the most, Lord hear our prayer. Lord, we pray that Whoopi Goldberg does well on The View, and the public doesn't throw up from lookin' at the fugly shrew, Lord hear our prayer. Lord, we pray that Rachael Ray can finally lose some weight, so she stops gimpin' around with that obese gait, Lord hear our prayer. And finally, Lord, we pray that the MSNBC studio catches on fire, and we pray that Steve Capus ends up inside hangin' from a wire, Lord hear our prayer.
WHICH DOESN'T BELONG AND WHY?!
Which doesn't belong and why?
a) CBS news bunny Katie Couric
b) NBC weatherman Al Roker
c) Morning show idiot Imus in the Morn'
Well the answer is clearly a, CBS news bunny Katie Couric, because unlike the other two idiots, she's the only one who can have a yeast infection and PMS at the same time, and call it a wine and cheese party, bejeez.
God bless us and save us.