Good morning and God Bless! ::clears throat::
Well Imus in the Morn', did ya see that Senator Larry Craig starred in a movie called "Brokeback Bathroom"? This foot-tappin' sex monger just rubbed out his re-election chances, bejeez. Shoulda pled not guilty, ya shalaylee hidin' schmuck ya. And in even bigger news, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales quit, effective the middle of September. President BB Brain says his good name was dragged through the mud, like that black man tied to the back of those Texans' pickup, God rest his soul.
It seems the French want to get in on the action, too. Sarkozy was sayin' today how he wants to attack Iran. The whole concept is pretty funny, Imus in the Morn' - the French fighting a war. Ha, that's like a priest touching a girl. It'll never happen, bejeez! And now Britney Spears is being targeted in a child abuse investigation. Stevie Wonder could have seen that. Are they goin' after Federline next? Buncha slimy bastards, bejeez.
Now bow your heads, and let's pray. In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost, Ana Marie chokin' on her last name want the most, Lord hear our prayer. Lord, we pray that Michael Vick has a good time in the slammer, and his burly cellmate named Bubba treats Vick's poophole to his hammer, Lord hear our prayer. Lord, we pray Miss South Carolina can finally track down a map, and hopefully it keeps this dumb ho from usin' her noisy trap, Lord hear our prayer. Finally, Lord, we pray the rate slows of people who get obese, and these fat bastards start eating more greens in place of meat, Lord hear our prayer.
WHICH DOESN'T BELONG AND WHY?!
Which doesn't belong and why?!
a) Disgraced Congressman Mark Foley
b) House Speaker Nancy Pelosi
c) Embattled radio icon Imus in the Morn'
While all three of these putrid morons all deserve to be set on fire and have their ashes scattered into the depths of space, the answer is clearly c, embattled radio icon Imus in the Morn', because unlike the other two dingbats, Imus is the only one with wrinkly flaps of skin who doesn't insist on the rest of the world suckin' on them in sleazy airport bathrooms, bejeez.
God bless us and save us.