Good morning and God Bless. ::clears throat::
Well congratulations on gettin' your little camp on TV, Imus in the Morn' - of course, it's on a that dogs can't even hear or see. Your intelligence and your foresight is exceeded only by your humility. And might I say, Imus in the Morn', since you don't have much to do these days, why don't you go help out Phil Spector. The judge, the jury, and the police wouldn't even be able to tell the two of you apart, ya wrinkled up Betty Ford-lookin' sissy ya. The two of you are indistinguishable, bejesus!
I saw a story on the news yesterday, Imus in the Morn', about some burqa-wearin' old Muslim shootin' her husband to death while he slept a coupla days ago. He was all set to go to Africa to play hide the salami with some other Hefty-bagged ho he recently married, and she wasn't too keen on that there, fella. I can't blame him though, one look at her and it would make your dog's backside look more desirable. Now I know how Mrs. Imus feels, ya wrinkled up corpse ya.
You know Imus in the Morn', I was walkin' through the pharmacy the other day, and I saw a picture of your face on a bottle of poison right above the label, bejeez. It must have been from the early days though - no wrinkles, just bones, ya decaying scumbag ya.
By the way, Imus in the Morn', I caught a story in the newspaper the other day, about some columnist askin' how members of the public would carry out a terrorist attack. I wrote this dingbat a letter, and told him to shut his pie hole because nobody gives a rat's backside, ya tired old douche bag ya, bejeez. I wouldn't be surprised if you sent him a suggestion, ya stuffed cadaver ya. You know, it's a good thing that taxidermy has come as far as it has, Imus in the Morn', otherwise you'd be nothin' but a skeleton in a cowboy hat propped up in a chair strapped to a heart and lung machine, bejeez.
Now bow your heads, ya buncha sacreligious faggots ya, and let's say a prayer. In the name of the father, the song, and the holy ghost, Imus shot by that burqa-wearin' ho we want the most. Lord hear our prayer. Spit it out, ya schmucks ya. Lord, we pray that China does manage to get to the moon, and that they have no way of getting back to Earth, those slanty-eyed buffoons. Lord hear our prayer. Lord, we pray that this dingbat in Kansas livin' in his car, stops stinkin' up the town by thinking his toilet is his backyard. Lord hear our prayer. Finally, Lord, we pray that over this weekend the stock market keeps going red, and Jim Cramer has a heart attack and ends up dead, bejeez. Lord hear our prayer.
WHICH DOESN'T BELONG AND WHY?!
Which doesn't belong and why?!
a) MSNBC newsman Dan Abrams
b) CBS newswoman Leslie Stahl
c) Load-swallowin' homo Imus in the Morn'
Well the answer is clearly c, load-swallowin' homo Imus in the Morn', because unlike the other mouth-breathing mongoloids, Imus has more balls than either of the other two combined.
Have a lovely weekend!
God bless us and save us!