Good morning and God Bless! ::clears throat::
Well Imus in the Morn', all these rumors going around about you making a comeback are starting to scare the hell out of me. I've never heard of a dead man coming back to life, bejeez. Who the hell are you, Lazarus? And no one seems to know when the hell it's going to happen Imus in the Morn'. We're playin' this damn guessin' game and I want to be prepared for when the skeleton in the cowboy hat rises out of the grave, bejeez.
Did you see that Katie Couric is doing better in the ratings than Brian Williams, bejeez. That's like Rosie O'Donnell outrunning a Ferarri, you flippin' douche bag. The Chinese got it wrong with Rosie, bejeez. It doesn't look like the year of the pig - look what happened to you, Imus in the Morn'.
McCord, you shut the hell up you closeted Nazi you, bejeez. Go park your Cherokee on a set of train tracks and wait for the good Lord to do his thing, you four-eyed half-load swallowin' homo ya, bejeez. And while you're at it, give a good suck to the tail pipe with the motor runnin'. It'll make you feel like you're in your bedroom with all the sucking action. While you're at it, you could probably engage in a game of hide the shalaylee with the gas tank, you deviant scumbag ya, bejeez.
And since we're on the subject of Cox's, Imus in the Morn', let's talk about the worst one of them all - Ana Marie. Just because she's got big boobs and a tight ass doesn't mean she gets a pass for jumpin' off the Imus ship first chance she got, bejeez. Between her and Contessa Brewer, I wonder who needed bigger doors to be installed at the MessNBC studios, you decaying cadaver ya, bejeez.
Now bow your heads you heathens and let's say a prayer. In the name of the father, son, and holy ghost, Imus laid to rest we want the most. Lord, hear our prayer. Lord, we pray that Al Roker sits on a pin, and his fat head explodes all over Meredith's chin, bejeez. Lord, hear our prayer. Lord, we also pray that Imus gets rehired, and that dingbat on Morning Joe gets set on fire, bejeez.
WHICH DOESN'T BELONG AND WHY?!
Which doesn't belong and why?
a) Anti-war activist Cindy Sheehan
b) Victoria Beckham
or c) Radio-talk-show-host Imus in the Morn'!
Well the answer is clearly B, you moron ya, bejeez. Because unlike the other two mouth-breathing morons who are subjected to constant coughing fits, Victoria Beckham only chokes when she's playing hide the shalaylee with Mr. Beckham. Kinda like your wife with Harold Ford, Jr. Cradle-robbin' cadaver ya, bejeez - go help your wife with her homework you dumb twit!
God bless us and save us!