Good morning and God Bless. ::clears throat::

Well happy hump day, Imus in the Morn'.

Did you see another one of these drugged-up dopeheads was taken out of the bicycle race? There's a picture of him out the web being led away by policeman. Looks like a raw hamburger on a Kaiser roll. It's like an orgy of dope-addicts tryin' to be circus clowns, bejeez. Speakin' of orgies, Imus in the Morn', the only orgy you've ever had was that Blue Monday song the band made on your I-pod, you wrinkled up douche bag ya. I know it was on there because I saw it back on April 9, bejeez. What happened there, couldn't fit a couple of those in between the powder and the drinks, ya deviant scumbag ya, bejeez?

Speaking of hiding shalaylees, there's a new gel that supposedly blocks STDs. Now Deirdre can finally get it on with Al Roker and not get jungle fever, bejeez. This dumb invention is just another strike against that bastard Darwin, and his natural selection and evolution nonsense. Only an omnipotent God who intelligently designed life on this planet, could also design a group of dingbats to come up with crap like this, bejeez.

Now bow your heads, it's time to pray, bejeez!

In the name of the father, the son, and the holy ghost, Imus on the new Fox channel we want the most, Lord hear our prayer. Lord, we pray that ex-professor Ward Churchill gets a job and quick, and hope that no one tries to kill the little dick. Lord hear our prayer. Finally, Lord we pray that the huge squid in California's waters doesn't get assaulted by one of Rodham daughters, Lord hear our prayer.

God Bless us and save us.