Good morning and God Bless!

Well Imus in the Morn', the whole country's talkin' about it - this feline who goes around a nursing home, and crawling into beds before old folks are gonna take the dirt nap. You better watch out if you wake up with a cat in your bed, you jaw-locked lizard ya, bejeez.

KITTY CAT, IN YOUR BED
THE NEXT THING YOU KNOW YOU ARE DEAD
YOU BETTER WATCH OUT FOR THE LITTLE GRAY BEAST
BEFORE YOU BECOME SOME BUG'S FEAST

THE KITTY'S SO GOOD THEY TAKE BETS
AND THEY CAN'T WAIT TO SEE WHO'S UP NEXT
SO THEY PLOT AND THEY PLAN
WHO ENDS UP IN THE CAN
CAUSE HE TOOK ALL THE MONEY AND RAN

And what's with this YouTube debate, Imus in the Morn'? The democrat dingbats are getting so desperate to see that they may have a snowball's chance in hell by stickin' a snowman up to ask "wassup?" I'll tell you what's up, you stiff pecker-necks, and it certainly isn't Bill Clinton's erection, bejeez. And speakin' of Clinton, the cleavage race is about to begin, what with Hillary tryin' to squeeze her fat ass into a scantilly-clad pantsuit. I have some advice for ol' tuna breath's opponents - why not get Gordo Richardson to get a low-cut shirt and give the flat-chested ho a run for her money, bejeez!

Have you seen the stock market in the last few days, Imus in the Morn'? It's droppin' faster than Mrs. Imus' knees did on your first date, you sinful heathen ya, bejeez. And speakin' of young girls goin' south on old dried up perverts, this whole "teen spirit" thing reached a new low with Lindsay Lohan turning into Paris Hilton. Throw all their asses in jail, bejeez, and throw away the damn key!

Now bow your heads, let's say a prayer.

In the name of the father, the son, and holy ghost, the I-man dead and gone we want the most. Lord hear our prayer. Lord, we pray for the dead battery of Cheney's pacemaker to leak, so that garlic-breath grandma can finally dispose of him in a creek, bejeez. Lord hear our prayer. And finally, Lord, we pray that John Edwards really does shut up, and goes back to lookin' at pictures of guys wearin' jockstrap cups, the dirty ol' faggot bejeez. Lord hear our prayer.

God bless us and save us!