Good morning and God Bless. ::Clears throat::
Happy Saturday, Imus in the Morn' - and a happy fifth anniversary to WorldCom's bankruptcy, bejeez. In the Klu Klux Congress this afternoon, Senator Robert 'KKK' Byrd said he wouldn't mind to watch that dreadlocked fairy Michael Vick be put to death for how he treated those dogs, bejeez. Do you think he'll be setting a cross on fire while he watches it, you wrinkled up old buzzard ya. Shut your stupid piehole, ya two-legged anal wart ya Imus in the Morn'.
President BB Brain is having another colonoscopy today, and they're gonna be determining just how far up his butt Helen Thomas has gotten since the last time they looked, bejeez. The wrinkled up little troll was gettin' a little too old to be livin' under her bridge, and she needed a new home that was warmer but still full of feces, bejeez. So while our beloved rocket scientist leader is knocked out, the tickin' time bomb war criminal is gonna play chief executive, God help us. If something happens to this dingbat while BB Brain is knocked out, garlic breath grandma has to step up to lead. At least we have something to look forward to, though. In 18 months the tuna licker and the douche bag with the Jew hating name will replace the current occupants of the White House, then we'll really have something to fear. You know those cyanide pills we've been carrying around, Imus' in the Morn'? Now'd be the time to take them, bejeez.
The last Harry Potter book comes out today, too, Imus in the Morn'. This tawdry tale of a half-load swallowin' homo playin' with spells and magic is a sin against God, bejeez. Then again, if it weren't for children learning how to use such black magic, Mrs. Imus never would've been able to make you get it up so she could have Wyatt, you impotent old douchebag ya bejeez.
Now bow your heads, it's time to pray.
In the name of the father, son, and holy ghost, Al Roker's head shoved in a toaster we want the most. Lord hear our prayer. Lord, we pray that Imus gets back on the air, the dirty old fag, before they drag him out of his house in a black body bag, Lord hear our prayer. And finally Lord we pray that this weekend goes by quick, and Steve Capus goes he whole weekend without touchin' a dick, bejeez. Lord hear our prayer.
God bless us and save us.