Good morning and God Bless. ::clears throat::

I want some tape, Imus in the Morn’. Some duct tape to put over Al Sharpton’s mouth so he suffocates on his own hot air, bejeez. But there’s something this prime candidate for a visit from the angel of death is missing, and that’s a soul. Someone needs to tell the fat man with the bug eyes and the gaping mouth to keep eating and stop talking, bejeez. I had a dream last night, Imus in the Morn’, and that is that the next time a tornado strikes Long Island, this mouth-breathing mongoloid gets stuck under a house, and the poor bastards that’d be rescuing his fat ass flip this dickhead the bird and throw some more rubble on the pile, bejeez. Maybe take a pee on it while they’re at it, God forgive me.

What’s this in the news about that two-legged turd Michael Vick being involved in organizing dog fights? Someone ought to throw him into a ring, that buck-toothed faggot, and let a real dog like Hillary Clinton have at ‘im, bejeez. And fat Tim wants to come back on the new Imus in the Morn’, program. He wants to have “Meet the Press” on “Meet the Prick”. Suck it up, tubby – you don’t need to be explodin’ on the I-man. Why doesn’t he stick to something he’s good at – being a fat bitch sucking on a tail pipe. Him and the rest of those dingbats over at MessDNC could take turns blowin’ each other, bejeez.

By the way, buttface, in this decadent and frivolous country, did you see the idiots over at the army took the wrong testicle out of a guy? That’s nuts! I know I’m a little behind in the news cycle, but his poor wife is gonna have her damn equilibrium thrown off by only takin’ one ball in the chin for so long, bejeez.

Now bow your heads and let’s pray, you filthy jackasses ya, bejeez.

In the name of the father, the son, and holy ghost, Imus trapped in the 41st steet hole we want the most. Lord hear our prayer. Lord, we pray that Ahmadinejad’s summer is really hot, and we hope that he spends most if it being cooked inside a pot, Lord hear our prayer. Lord, we pray that Hillary Clinton isn’t trying to be a man, and that thing between her legs isn’t used when she goes to the can, bejeez. And finally Lord we pray that Tom Cruise’s Hiter movie goes off without a hitch, and by the time it’s done filming they find him in a ditch, bejeez – Lord hear our prayer.

God bless us and save us!