Good morning and God Bless. ::clears throat::

Well happy birthday, Imus in the Morn'! Hopefully your last, bejeez. Time to get out the smellin' salts...

Did you see Tony Blair landed in Israel, Imus in the Morn'? He wants to help the bagel-eaters and the towel-heads stop blowin' each others asses to dust. They're callin' it "Mission Impossible" - and just like Tom Cruise's flop of a movie, this tea-sippin' dingbat will probably wind up head-to-head with Hamas' Mickey Mouse, and end up hangin' headless from bridge somewhere, bejeez!

Have you been watchin' baseball, Imus in the Morn'? Steroid-sucker Barry Bonds is all set to break the homerun record, and no one gives a damn! Reminds me of when Bryant Gumbel left the Today show. It's not that these aren't important events, but honestly - if a tree falls in the woods and no one hears it, does it make a sound?!

I happened to tune into Larry King half dead the other night Imus in the Morn', and when this hunch-backed hermit isn't gasping for air on life support, he's having kids, bejeez. Watching his show made me change my stance on legalizing marijuana - you'd HAVE to be high to watch this decaying cadaver talk. Poor Tammy Faye - God rest her soul - went on this dingbat's show and died the next day! They said it was cancer, but I think he did her in, the life-suckin' gaping a-hole, God forgive me.

Now bow your heads, it's time to pray!

In the name of the father, the son, and the holy ghost, India's new female president to shower we want the most! Lord, hear our prayer! Lord, we wish Don Imus a happy birthday, bejeez, and pray he doesn't have a heart attack next time he goes to sneeze! Lord, hear our prayer! And finally, Lord, we pray that next time high-pitched squeaker David Beckham goes to play in the soccer game, that some fudge-packin' faggot doesn't try to hump him 'til he's lame, bejeez! Lord hear our prayer!

God bless us and save us!